I just wanted to link this quickly, because 1) It's amazing, and 2) I read it a while ago and just spent 20 minutes trying to track down where I'd seen it. And I finally found it by Googling select phrases I could remember from the text in combination with other key words. It took a while. (You'd be surprised how much Maury Povich content is on the internet. No you wouldn't.)
So here it is, preserved for all-time so I can read it whenever: an endlessly wonderful short work by Joshua Wheeler over @ PANK called On "The Maury Povich" Show. Especially fond of the first section, which would make an excellent line dance to be performed at weddings.